Where my ambition came from
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| My older brother and I photo Cred: Karen Schink |
I was not always ambitious. I grew
up in a single parent home with a mom battling depression. She, with the help of my family, made sure we had
everything we needed while prioritizing a deep rooted relationship with Christ.
I was blessed with a father who loved me and did the best he could to raise us
from outside of our home, while focusing on his own ambitions. As a child, this
was confusing and sometimes hard but, as an adult, I completely understand
where he was in life. I had an amazing brother who toughened me up and taught
me how to be a good loser. He always expected better and praised me when I did
improve. He didn't let boys treat me bad and this over time, supplied me self-worth.
As for school, I grew up failing most of my classes and hating school. I felt
excluded in private high school and cried every day in public school. I was
mostly invisible to teachers except for my loving step mother who worked hard
to get me into school every day. She was my outward motivation but I had no
intrinsic motivation to go to school. In my mind I was stupid, ugly, fat, and
weird. It was a very uncomfortable place in life for me. I felt stuck, dropped
out, and attended adult education.
I had already loved psychology at
this point and spent most of my free time trying to learn about schizophrenia.
I realized I loved this subject, everything about it. After learning everything
I could independently about schizophrenia, I moved on to learning about
multiple personality disorder and depression. (This is when nobody used the
internet, I was taking books out at the library.) Then someone told me of a
place that was hiring. It was a private school for children who were mentally
handicap. (The title "mentally handicap" was politically correct back
then, now I would carefully say, special needs.) The timing and type of job was
perfect for me. I loved it, everything about it. Though, there was still a part
of me that didn't feel good enough or smart enough and kinda weird. Those
feelings did not stop me from doing my job but it did stop me from moving up in
the chain of command. After 11 years, I eventually got to a point in my career
where I was given responsibility over one child. While being responsible for
that student we started off our days with violent tantrums showing very little
interest in being independent, to eventually independently leading me.
This took a lot of time, goal setting, blood, sweat, and most of all patience.
Some may be bothered when their "student" leads them but, for me,
this was an emotional tear worthy moment. That student started as a child with
no motivation, like myself and grew into a women who was more motivated than the
motivator. The job was a success and I was satisfied. After success,
coincidentally I had also become a mother and my job was changing management,
which meant I had to learn a whole new person's vision and after 11 years of
trying to learn another person's vision, I was done. The job was out grown and
it was time for me to grow like my student, who is now my motivator. I was off
to college.
At this day in age it seems as if
college is glorified more than the career itself. While college is at your
fingertips, jobs are nearly impossible to find. Not all jobs, just the jobs
that fit your passions. It is scary for myself, as a college student, to think about what will come of all my college debt. That doesn't stop me, this
unstoppableness may be a form of ignorance or false security but it still
doesn't stop me. The award winning neurosurgeon, Ben Carson said, "When
you educate a man, you liberate a man,"(or women of course.) So, here I am
being liberated and I am confident that the debt I am gaining will someday be
worth it.
I would love to hear where your ambition came from. Please comment belooow
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